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january 28, 2024

today is my final free day without any responsibilities whatsoever. it's currently 15:27; i begin classes again tomorrow. i'm nervous, anxious and catastrophizing in my head about how it will all go wrong eventually, but i dunno. i think i have a good feeling about this semester, this year...
i woke up quite early today unfortunately, so i spent the entire morning+afternoon browsing doll related content and listings online. the current non-bjd dolls i want right now are two 50cm azones (i will customize one of them and make them girlfriends hehe) and a dollce ob11. i've always wanted a tiny doll, i'm going to eventually get a yosd as well but i want something cute and small i can take with me without worrying about damaging it. as much as i want to spend my money right now, i literally have nothing. and, i told myself i'm gonna save as much money as i can so i can have a wonderful time with my girlfriend again :].
i've been listening to hal - ブルー in between playing sonoko and dai dai dai on repeat. it's a comfy album, one that i could definitely sleep to. actually i want to recommend another album that i would also sleep to: pocari sweet - gentle moon. it's short and sweet! i definitely think it's worth a quick listen :].
honestly, i just want this day to end already. not because it's bad, but because i'm bored and anxious and just sitting here waiting until the clock strikes midnight so i can look at all my courses and start organizing, even doing some of them. i just want to keep my mind occupied so i don't feel so stressed all the time, you know? i'm so stressed. so like how some people turn to cleaning to de-stress, i turn to planning and organizing (not necessarily following through, though). it's comforting, and it gives me a sense of control within the chaos lol... if that makes any sense.
on friday night, it was a full moon. i snuck out for a quick smoke––i thought we had our backyard lights turned on, but it was just the moonlight at its peak power. everything was glowing silver. ever since i moved to a rural area, i told myself i would look at the sky more often; a thing i haven't done much of yet. but that night, i did look up. i saw orion, and i saw what i think was jupiter as well. the sky was perfectly clear, and the stars peppered across the wide stretch of darkness were twinkling oh so beautifully and gently. so many stars!! i think it's because now i live away from the city, and there's minimal light pollution here. it was truly a gorgeous and awesome sight. i couldn't say anything, or think anything, so i just let my blank mind absorb as much of the visuals as i could. even though it didn't make me think what i wish it did, it was still a nice experience.
see you soon :].