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february 18, 2024

i really, really want to call this week "wasted," but i also really, really want to reframe my mindset to something more positive. so, i guess i'll just say i took it easy this week. literally did nothing all week, except on one day where i had to drive to town for a college thing. lately, i've been spending less and less time going outside (including the backyard)
i don't know what caused this shift, but i don't feel particularly strongly about it either way. i lock myself in my room all day and just study (sometimes) or do things i actually enjoy. speaking of things i enjoy, i recently spent some (a lot) of money my on random shit and bought things to make me feel better. really bad habit, i know, and it rarely solves my problems, but at least i'm depressed and surrounded by cute, shiny things. i recently bought this bag, because i wanted a nice everyday handbag since i don't want to use totes anymore and my canvas crossbody is annoying to use. once it comes in i'll do a what's in my bag because i LOVE those
...okay, i'm gonna admit it, i also bought ANOTHER bag. lately i've been digging red bags, and this jpg bag was screaming my name. i initially wanted something a little less expensive, but i reasoned with myself that if i buy a cheap bag i don't feel attached to that much it's gonna be a bigger waste than spending more money on something i love and will use more frequently ;] alongside those two bags i also got my hands on some idol merch and phone charms. my miffy phone charm fell off its strap and it made me so sad because i loved that charm and i love miffy. but instead of getting another miffy charm i got some cute ones i might show in a haul post next blog teehee.
i know i have poor spending habits; but it all totally cancels out because i finally made a savings account and i'm gonna shove money in there until i have enough to fund my next trip to australia. and honestly, spending money is the least of my problems right now since i'm dealing with shit like my depression alongside other serious symptoms of declining mental health. i don't even know why i bother trying to justify this to my blog, but i just hate miscommunication and i want to get my reasons (excuses) for spending money out there so i feel less guilty about actually doing it LOL so... WHATEVER!!!
onto music.
lately i've been listening to this album while studying and it's a very pleasant journey that the music takes me on. i don't really have a favorite song though, since i listen to it as bgm and don't pay much attention to every track. i just like how it carries itself and takes your hand through a nice comfy listen.
my partner and i listened to 滝沢朋恵 - a b c b together a few nights ago, and it's been on my mind still. something about it (probably influenced by the album art) makes me feel like i'm walking somewhere unfamiliar yet safe under an umbrella as it pours in sheets, and i walk and walk and walk until i get to my apartment––i've spent so long lovingly decorating it to be truly mine––and lay in bed, watching the rain start to let up and the battering shifts into gentle taps on my window. for me it carries an air of nostalgia, for a general gist of the past where i'm only longing for the feeling and not the actual memories within me. and the feeling i'm longing for is normalcy, safety, and quiet. i can't seem to remember exactly when in my life i felt all three things at once, so maybe i'm just making up something to yearn for lol. this album to me feels like catching up with a beloved friend, or getting a hug from someone who smells like fresh laundry, a little too fresh, as it has a hint of a smell of dampness.
i took a few photographs with my digicam as well today! i think they came out quite nice and i really love the photo of the moon. i'm glad my cam could zoom in enough to capture it somewhat :3 i looove the moon, it means a lot to me and i feel a connection to it i think... i'm looking foward to the full moon next week! i hope you get to see it with me! we can look at the same moon!!