🀚

may 04, 2024

i've been procrastinating updating this blog for a couple months now because, well, not much has happened really. i've been telling myself "just write something, anything," but honestly, everything that's happened in between my last blog and this one has been composed of things i would rather forget; i have not touched my journal either, for i would like to make the memories impermanent. i am teetering on the verge of complete breakdown and vulnerability and being strong, silent, resilient. i could be both, but that's not how i operate, hehe.
loneliness has been the only consistent feeling lately. and the thing is, it wouldn't be so bad if i took all the time that i carry now in my hands to do something, but i don't. really, i have been spending my hours sitting and thinking, which will probably give me a full head of gray hair in a few weeks. i truly do not feel good. i have shaken off the sense of doom that i used to get, but now it's become more of a numbness. dunno which one i prefer, really. i think i'm leaning towards being emotionless.
i was going to dedicate a paragraph or so to some new music i have listened to, but i feel that it would be soured by the heavy air of depression this page carries today (i promise i will start musicposting soon!!). but regardless, thank you for reading, always. i just wanted to get something out onto this site.